If you listen to the Three Donkeys podcast, well, I mean, you’re probably kind of a loser to be honest. But you also know that Peter, Levitan, and I – along with a big group of gamblers and personalities (Brandon Adams, Joe Ingram, Scott Blumstein, Sleeze, Manz, and Barstool Smitty, among others) are going to compete in a Gambling Olympics in Vegas in about a month. We’ll be gambling on everything from poker to sportsbetting to rock-paper-scissors to Connect 4 to beer pong, competing to win gold, with tons of side bets already shaping up.
One of those side bets was finalized the other day, as I booked 5-1 to against Levitan – my $1k to his $5k – on the 6-12-18-24 challenge. For those unfamiliar, this means jacking off, drinking beer, eating donuts, and running miles – assigning each of 6, 12, 18, or 24 to each task – in 24 hours. As of now, I will be running six miles, masturbating 12 times, eating 18 donuts, and drinking 24 beers.
We had a previous winner of the challenge on the podcast to talk a little strategy, and it was fucking hilarious.
I’ll probably talk about my approach heading into the challenge – an event so prestigous I hear they’re considering it for the real Olympics – but for now, I just wanted to post my negotiation with Levitan, which was completed in Slack, to give you guys an idea of how these things (sometimes, sort of) come to be.
The Negotiation
jonathan.bales [12:48 PM]
what odds are you guys giving me on 6-12-18-24? you said 10 to 1 levi? I think that’s fair :slightly_smiling_face:
adam.levitan [12:49 PM]
i said nothing.. let’s nail down the official rules.. all your miles have to be under 10 minutes and outside?
jonathan.bales [12:49 PM]
I mean whatever you want
that’s clearly way harder and a potential problem though
10 min is actually hard to do for possibly 12 miles
I mean it’s almost a half marathon
adam.levitan [12:50 PM]
oh i assumed you were running 6
jonathan.bales [12:50 PM]
idk if I can JO 12 times after some practice
yeah I mean I am gonna have to but I’m running out of steem on these JOs
adam.levitan [12:53 PM]
if you’re running outside and averaging a 10-minute mile while running them consecutively i can give you 6-1… but I’m not going to give you a lot of action on it, can’t let you beat me for like 30k
jonathan.bales [12:53 PM]
consecutive? that’s way different
don’t think I can do that at all
I assumed I could take a break after each mile
peter.jennings [12:54 PM]
Im on bales side
adam.levitan [12:54 PM]
oh
well then i don’t see why you couldn’t do it
you’re in way better shape than the dude who came on the pod and did it
and you drink every day
doughnuts are easy
just gotta get the jerks done and you’ll have freedman to help you there
jonathan.bales [12:56 PM]
I don’t drink every day for the last time levi
adam.levitan [12:56 PM]
haha
jonathan.bales [12:56 PM]
if you think 18/24 beers/donuts is easy then idk
and either miles or JOs or both gonna be hard af too
I think I am equipped to do it more than avg person but I think I’m likely to fail
honestly
adam.levitan [12:57 PM]
i mean if you take 20 minutes off between each mile it’ll be easy
jonathan.bales [12:57 PM]
even if you remove that, there’s some decent chance I can’t physically do 12 JOs
adam.levitan [12:57 PM]
for sure
jonathan.bales [1:00 PM]
so you’d do 6 to 1 if I ran it straight, no stops at all?
like if I fail then I just start back at 0 miles?
trying to think of how much easier it is to stop and what that equates to in a line if 6 to 1 is fair for that
adam.levitan [1:00 PM]
you’d have to average a 10-minute mile for whole thing.. so if you do 6 miles you have 60 minutes total from start to finish
jonathan.bales [1:01 PM]
there’s almost 0% chance I can complete six miles right now
I’ve literally never run two miles
adam.levitan [1:01 PM]
yeah well if the running isn’t hard i don’t see how you fail really
unless your dick fails you
jonathan.bales [1:02 PM]
he’s good for six easy
he starts to get ornery at seven
idk how you think 18/24 beers/donuts is just a given
that’s so hard
and in conjunction with running and jacking off
will take 6 to 1 my $1k if I can stop once running
5 to 1*
adam.levitan [1:06 PM]
if you do the total distance across total time you can stop as many times as you want
jonathan.bales [1:06 PM]
lol
need a break. can’t do six miles in 60 min
will do two segments of three in 30
it is fucking Vegas in summer man it is gonna be literally 120
adam.levitan [1:07 PM]
i can give you 3.5/1 on that, but i’m not happy about it and only doing it for the #content
jonathan.bales [1:08 PM]
like it might not even be safe
adam.levitan [1:08 PM]
don’t be a pussy
death is one of the outcomes, yes
jonathan.bales [1:08 PM]
i’d do 6 to 1 on one hour before 3.5 with a break
outside is just bananas
i won’t be able to breathe
adam.levitan [1:09 PM]
the only way i’ll win is if you fail at the running
so yes, i’d be rooting for “unable to breathe”
jonathan.bales [1:09 PM]
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/too-hot-to-handle-the-dangers-of-running-in-the-heat/
i’ll die for content, it’s fine
adam.levitan [1:10 PM]
yeah i felt like this in 3rd set of frying pan match
you’re so hot you get the chills
jonathan.bales [1:10 PM]
that was fucking denver
adam.levitan [1:10 PM]
yep
it was like 90 but i know.. Vegas is asking for death
that’s how i want to win (edited)
jonathan.bales [1:11 PM]
I will do 6 to 1, six miles in 66 minutes
adam.levitan [1:12 PM]
outside?
jonathan.bales [1:12 PM]
yeah. and I honestly think this is gonna be a disaster because I can barely finish one mile in under 10…ran the other day
adam.levitan [1:13 PM]
do you have to run during the day?
jonathan.bales [1:14 PM]
what time range is acceptable. clearly I’m running at night if I can
adam.levitan [1:15 PM]
ugh i dunno man.. i don’t want to bet against you in physical activities
nighttime temps in july in vegas average 79 degrees
nice running weather
jonathan.bales [1:15 PM]
the last mile bet I had I ran a half mile
this isn’t lifting
adam.levitan [1:16 PM]
we won’t be able to film your death if you do it at night
jonathan.bales [1:16 PM]
I will do it when light out
idk how I am gonna set it up exactly…need to think about it and what is best in terms of when I start, when I am trying to run, etc
my lean was I’d drink and eat at night, sleep, drink maybe 1/2 in morning and run then
I can’t wait too long strategically or else I have to run after eating and drinking too much. there’s just no way
adam.levitan [1:18 PM]
are you allowed to get more action? Like if you can win 5 BTC instead of 2/3 BTC you’ll obv train harder
jonathan.bales [1:18 PM]
I am gonna try obv….I’d be fine reducing our odds if I get more though
like each 10k to win interval I go down a point or something…
I will do whatever you want on that b/c you are right I will actually try if I get a bunch of action…I just doubt I will
adam.levitan [1:20 PM]
OK i’ve wasted enough of this day.. let me think about it
jonathan.bales [1:20 PM]
comee onnnnn gimme something. have to get this booked
adam.levitan [1:21 PM]
freedman verification on jerks?
jonathan.bales [1:21 PM]
I mean obv
adam.levitan [1:21 PM]
no live women in room obv, even for fluffing
jonathan.bales [1:21 PM]
for that I will have a room that is inspected before and I will produce sample each itme
yeah no women OR MEN
adam.levitan [1:21 PM]
no cam girls either… no human interaction
jonathan.bales [1:21 PM]
I can watch porn right
adam.levitan [1:21 PM]
right
jonathan.bales [1:22 PM]
donuts will be standard glazed
adam.levitan [1:22 PM]
frosting?
jonathan.bales [1:23 PM]
krispy kreme glazed I thought was standard
adam.levitan [1:23 PM]
beers minimum 5% ABV?
jonathan.bales [1:23 PM]
no way….standard miller lite bud light whatever
those are just under 5 arent they?
adam.levitan [1:24 PM]
coors light is like water, think it’s 4
jonathan.bales [1:24 PM]
the other two main ones are 4.2
normal cans of lite beer
adam.levitan [1:25 PM]
no funnels?
jonathan.bales [1:25 PM]
8 oz beers
adam.levitan [1:25 PM]
no shotgunning
jonathan.bales [1:25 PM]
no funnels, drink from can
adam.levitan [1:25 PM]
8oz? you mean 12oz
jonathan.bales [1:26 PM]
yeah I guess
whatever like a normal looking can is
yeah 12
looked it up
6 miles in 66 min, has to be during day, unlimited breaks, 12 oz lite beers, krispy kreme glazed donuts, produce semen 12 times
only other contingency I can think of is vomit
adam.levitan [1:29 PM]
OK i’ll give you 5-1 given the 66 minutes but you have to run between 9am and 6pm… if you sell more than 10k worth of additional potential winnings that goes to 2.5-1
yeah i think vomiting is tough because once you puke you can drink so much more beer
jonathan.bales [1:30 PM]
right. clearly purposely vomiting is out. I see a very high chance of puking while running though and that would stink if I was DQed on that
like what if it’s just a little tiny vomit
adam.levitan [1:30 PM]
haha
are you going to drink any beers at all before running?
jonathan.bales [1:31 PM]
since I am running in the morning presumably, I would like a contingency that I can vomit while running or up to 15 min after, but no other time during the competition. I’d also like to be able to purposely puke at the end once it is clear I finished and am not involuntarily vomiting
adam.levitan [1:32 PM]
hahahahaha
jonathan.bales [1:32 PM]
and idk on the beers but it would be like 1-2 and maybe one donut before at max
idk though…might just do nothing and run it right away
adam.levitan [1:32 PM]
you are going to take the full 24 hrs right? so there are 2 mornings, presumably
jonathan.bales [1:33 PM]
there will be just one if I start at night which I think I will
also better for content if I am finishing at like 8pm or something
adam.levitan [1:33 PM]
yeah so you’re going to jerk, drink, eat.. go to sleep.. wake up and run and then finish
god this is so easy if you can do the run
we’re basically betting on the run, that’s it
jonathan.bales [1:34 PM]
can you jack off 12 times in a day? no. eat 18 donuts and drink 24 beers or vice versa? no
adam.levitan [1:34 PM]
i can do 6 a day
i can easily do donuts
jonathan.bales [1:34 PM]
I need to do 12 though
adam.levitan [1:34 PM]
i can’t drink the beer but you def can
nah 6 jerks before sleep, 6 jerks across next day
easy
jonathan.bales [1:34 PM]
six jerks before sleep come on
adam.levitan [1:35 PM]
one an hour for six hours?
then sleep for 6 hours
jonathan.bales [1:35 PM]
a good portion of jerks are gonna have to come after drinking
gonna be a real issue
6 to 1 and I cannot drop to 2.5 to 1 becuase that pretty much means I can’t even get other action
oh I see…I could get 9k more?
6 to 1 and 3 to 1 on that and it is booked
adam.levitan [1:37 PM]
not giving 6-1, it’s too easy
will give 5-1 for the content
but still think it’s a bad bet
jonathan.bales [1:38 PM]
5 to 1 and 68 min
adam.levitan [1:38 PM]
can’t do it.. failing the run is my only shot
jonathan.bales [1:38 PM]
and I want to clarify the vomiting proposal is fine?
5.5 to 1 then and that’s it
66 min
fuck it, it’s $500…5 to 1 is fine who cares
adam.levitan [1:40 PM]
so you’re saying you can vomit during the run? But you can’t vomit up a bunch of beer and doughnuts
jonathan.bales [1:40 PM]
yes that is correct…I don’t want to be DQed running in that heat and puking but the spirit isn’t to be able to puke up a bunch of beer and donuts
I do want to be able to puke once I finish, however
why don’t we do 2 beer and 2 donut max pre-running
although I almost certainly won’t be eating two donuts for sure
adam.levitan [1:42 PM]
ok that’s fine.. 2 beers and 2 donut max within 2 hrs of run
then you can puke.. but if you do complete the run, you can’t puke again rest of day
jonathan.bales [1:45 PM]
six miles in 66 minutes, unlimited breaks and able to puke up no more than two donuts and two beers from within two-hour window if I do happen to vomit during the run or within 15 minutes of it. otherwise no vomit until last task completed. 12 jackoffs that are produced in a semen-free room. 18/24 beers/donuts. 12 oz lite beers and standard glazed krispy kreme donuts. 5 to 1 on $1k and goes to 3 to 1 if I get more than $10k of additional to-win action.
adam.levitan [1:45 PM]
ugh fine.. it’s booked just for the lulz
jonathan.bales [1:46 PM]
booked
And that, my friends, is the art of the negotiation.